I was dating this guy, everything was going well - I thought. We had only been dating about 2 months, it was a blind date set up by my cousin. After Thanksgiving things started feeling weird. There was the trip he took to Gatlinburg, with a friend. I never questioned this, I didn't feel like it was my place. We had talked about how we didn't want to label our "relationship" and we weren't even sure either of us was ready for a commitment. I didn't feel like I should question him.
After Gatlinburg, we attended his company Christmas Party. He introduced me to his co-workers as his girlfriend, yes he said it I never did.We had the best time and things seemed right. The next day I was offered free tickets to a concert and asked if he would like to go, it was one of his favorite artist. He said no, he wasn't a big fan. I was ok with this. After a few days of not hearing from him things seemed weird, unanswered calls, no reply to my texts. We finally had a long talk and he expressed to me that he felt like we were moving too fast, he had developed strong feelings too soon and thought we needed to take a step back. I was confused, but I agreed with his wishes. He promised and swore to me that there was no one else, he just needed time for himself, to think. The "it's not you, it's me". He called me a few times over the next few days to chit chat, we even discussed getting together. The next day, I was deleted from his Facebook.
My cousin, who set us up, ended up selling him the concert tickets I offered him, to take another girl to the concert. A 19 year old girl, he is 40, I am 35. He had been seeing this girl for a few weeks, she is a customer where he works. I have not called, text or bothered him in the least, he made his choice and that is fine. I am not allowed to respond the way I want because then I will be labeled as "crazy". When someone hurts you aren't you allowed to let them know? How should I feel that instead of going to the concert, for free, with me. He would rather pay to go with her, a 19 year old. He has made a point to comment, after me, on mutual friends Facebook status updates. He has even included my name. I ignore these comments, they are never derogatory, just reminiscent.
Why not just be honest from the beginning? This is why women are "crazy". Men confuse us, but we aren't allowed to call them out or we are considered "crazy". Did he really think I wouldn't find out he bought the tickets from my cousin? He even lied and said it was a surprise, for me. My cousin will not call him out on lying, the "Man Code" and they work together. He doesn't want to get involved. Men, trust me when I say this you can be honest with us. We get mad and have a fit when we find out we have been lied to and made to look like a fool.
What's wrong with crazy? It seems he lied from the beginning, then cheated. Advocating for yourself isn't crazy, calling him out for being a douche isn't crazy. Boiling his pet rabbit, (fatal attraction) ... Crazy.
ReplyDeleteThis isnt a man, it's a boy. "Man code" is shit-speak for irresponsibility, and unaccountability. You are better off without him.
For what it's worth, being lied to and jerked around isn't something only men do to women. I'm a man and recently had a very similar situation with a woman I was involved with - deviously and unceremoniously discarded in favor of someone seemingly "shinier" (who as I could've told her from the start, turned out to be a complete jackass). It can be crushing, emotionally and intellectually. It does, in fact, drive you "crazy," wanting explanations, wanting closure, wanting revenge. But you work through it, eventually (in my case the impact was such that it took an amount of time almost equal to the length of the relationship before I really regained my balance). So I'm sorry to hear that you were hurt, and I hope that you can find healthy ways to work through the justifiable anger and frustration you're feeling. But more than anything, I want you to know that you're not alone.
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